SEO Experts Are Just Digital Cleaners (And That’s Why Most of Them Suck)
Alright, let’s talk about SEO. More specifically, let’s talk about the so-called SEO “experts” who strut around like they hold the secret keys to Google’s kingdom. They’ll baffle you with jargon, sell you on the latest algorithm update, and act like they’re the only ones who can decipher the SEO gospel. Spoiler alert: they’re not. SEO isn’t magic, and most of these so-called experts aren’t wizards—they’re glorified cleaners.
SEO Isn’t Special Anymore
A decade ago, SEO was this mysterious, exclusive craft. But today? It’s a checklist. A bunch of routine tasks anyone with half a brain and some patience can figure out. Keywords? Google hands them to you. Technical SEO? There’s a plugin for that. Backlinks? Yeah, send some emails, do some outreach, and cross your fingers. Hiring an SEO expert today is a lot like hiring a cleaner. If they’re doing their job, you probably won’t even notice. If they’re bad at it, you’ll know pretty damn quickly. But let’s be real—anyone can wipe a bench and vacuum a floor. The real difference is in the details.
The Cleaner Analogy: SEO is About the Extra Mile
A cleaner who just does the basics—wipes down the counter, vacuums the rug, takes out the trash—is fine. But the one who notices you’re out of paper towels and refills them? Or the one who folds the end of the toilet paper into a neat triangle like you’re staying in a hotel? That’s the one you remember. SEO is no different. Anyone can rewrite a few meta titles and build some backlinks. But the real game-changers are the ones who take the time to understand your business. The ones who don’t just follow a checklist but actually think about how SEO fits into your bigger strategy. The ones who care enough to test, refine, and look beyond rankings to what actually makes you money.
Most SEO Experts Are Just “Task Completers”
Most SEO agencies will charge you a fat retainer, run some automated reports, and send you a spreadsheet every month while pretending they’ve done some grand, mystical work. They’ll talk endlessly about “domain authority” and “E-E-A-T” as if Google is some divine being they’re having lunch with. Meanwhile, your rankings stay flat, your leads don’t increase, and you’re left wondering what you’re actually paying for. So here’s the thing: SEO isn’t about just doing the work. It’s about how the work is done, the insight behind it, and the ability to turn rankings into revenue. If an SEO agency can’t explain why they’re doing what they’re doing in plain English, they’re not experts—they’re just digital cleaners who think they’re above scrubbing the toilets.
What Good SEO Actually Looks Like
If you’re going to hire an SEO person (or agency), look for the ones who:
- Actually Learn About Your Business
- Identify what they’re doing well and why it’s working.
- Test and Experiment
- Google doesn’t even know how its own algorithm works half the time—so if your SEO “guru” claims they’ve cracked the code, run.
- Explain Things Without the BS.
- If you can’t get a straight answer about why they’re doing something, they either don’t know, or they don’t respect you enough to tell you.
- Go Beyond Rankings
- SEO isn’t about page one—it’s about money. If your traffic is up but your sales aren’t, your SEO isn’t working.
Final Thoughts: Don’t Hire an SEO Cleaner, Hire a Business Partner
SEO alone won’t save your business. It won’t fix bad products, terrible customer service, or an outdated website. But great SEO—real SEO—can be an incredible tool when done right. So don’t fall for the digital janitors pretending to be strategists. Find someone who gets it. Someone who cares about more than rankings. Someone who, at the very least, folds the damn toilet paper into a triangle. And if they leave a lolly under your pillow while they’re at it? Even better.
